Do onto others as you would want others to do onto you. How many of you are familiar with the Golden Rule? How many of you believe it’s a good rule? I practiced the Golden Rule most of my life. Then one day I realized the Golden Rule wasn’t true. In fact, it was one of the major reasons I was having difficulty building effective relationships and achieving the kind of results I desired.
Why do I say the Golden Rule isn’t true? Because, after years of studying and learning about people, I discovered one incredible fact. Not all people are the same! Take a moment now and think about someone you had difficulty getting to know. Now ask yourself this question. “Does the person I thought about want to be treated exactly the way I want to be treated? I think we all know the answer to that question. So if not the golden rule, then what rule? We want to use the platinum rule. The platinum rule states “treat others the way they want to be treated” This rules says to acknowledge the feelings of others before we act. It says that it’s not about what you want, but what others want as well.
Below is an example of one person who practiced the golden rule and one who didn’t and also a personal example from my own life.
Henry Ford was an incredible success and pioneer in the automobile industry. Henry Ford practiced the Golden Rule. In the early 1900’s, Ford Motor company owned most of the market share for automobiles after releasing the Ford Model T. However, Ford was so proud of the Model T, that he refused to listen to his customers when they began asking for different models, accessories and color choices. From 1912-1925 the Ford Model T was only ever produced in black. It was once joked that you could get the Model T in any color you wanted as long as it was black. As a result of the way Ford thought, Ford Motors lost considerable market share to its competitors who were offering the customers the choices they wanted.
Steve Jobs on the other hand, practiced the platinum rule. When Jobs came back to Apple he began to realize that everyone was an individual and wanted more choice when purchasing a computer. He had an idea to offer computers in different colors instead of the same old black or white choices we had for 20 years. He began personalizing the experiences and options of customers. Steve Jobs was innovative and he listened to what the customers really wanted. Because of this way of thinking, Apple computers at one time became the #1 company in the world.
Now a more personal example. When I got married I became the proud father of 3 wonderful kids. I remember all the conversations I had with my wife about becoming a parent, how hard it was, what was required and what it would be like when we all moved in together. I felt confident I was up for the challenge. I would try telling my wife that I was totally prepared and I would rationalize this by telling her how many books I had read or how many hours I had spent studying my childhood and how I knew what Every child really needed from a parent. My fatal mistake…I was only thinking about what I needed from my parents growing up. I thought this gave me a rock solid plan that prepared me for anything I would face as a parent.
Wow was I wrong! Have you ever had life punch you right in the face? I suddenly found out that my plan was obsolete and being a parent is tough! I didn’t realize that each kid was an individual and each one was as different from each other as night is from day. I also quickly came to the realization that every problem now required at least 3 different solutions. What would have worked for me growing up was meaningless and useless to steer through the trick waters of being a parent. Did I mention its tough being a parent?
Now I’ve picked myself back up after being knocked to my knees a few times. I began using the Platinum rule with our kids. I’ve began to see them as the 3 very different and unique individuals that they are. And learned to treat them how they want to be treated. I’ve began trying to really listen to the kids and stop pretending I know what they need because it’s what I would have needed in that situation. This approach seems to be paying big dividends. The more I practice the platinum rule the better I understand the kids and the better our relationship is.
Do yourself a favor and throw out what you know about the golden rule. Start paying attention to the people around you and what they want and less about what you want. If you begin practicing the Platinum rule, I know you’ll find your personal and professional relationships changing for the better!
Jason Lindstrom 